Chapter Ten - Effects of Modern Dating On You

Today, humans have access to a series of tools that can help them in their everyday life. From smartphones to computers, there’s no shortage of resources that we can all tap into.

Thanks to the simple invention of the calculator, we can easily get to the bottom of a series of equations. Something our ancestors had to write out on hand in order to solve.

Just as mathematics has revolutionized since our inception as a species, so has our dating and relationships.

As we speak, an AI goes through thousands of profiles and best matches people who they have similar interests with. An AI chooses who they reproduce with. An AI is choosing the futures of many humans and is shaping how the world will look tomorrow.

But the statement “Not everyone is perfect” rings very true. Not everyone is well versed in the world of dating, much less themselves.

You have people who are struggling to have healthy relationships. Maybe they have unresolved issues in which they haven’t fully grown out of yet.

Maybe they are young and naive, living in a world among other people who believe that sexuality is something that should be freely accessible. All this could be true for anyone, from any background.

Perhaps the person believes very strongly in polygamy, which is it’s own form of love.

What even is sex? Besides it’s basic functionality as a reproductive act. What is the psychology behind sex?

It’s a form of communication. It’s a form of expressing deep and innate desire for someone special to us. It is our way of saying “Hey, I love everything about you. I love the way you think. I want to make you happy.” To love is to give.

In today’s world, this is the exception not the case. As I was pointing out earlier, people with unresolved issues will hop on dating apps like Tinder and Match to meet someone like them. Whether they realize it or not.

Some people may genuinely seek a relationship to grow, only to find their innate subconscious needs pulling them towards committing destructive behaviors.

Among these, hooking up is one of them.

It has been said that sex without love is violence. You can hop on PornHub right now and see these different sexual acts, some even barely scratching the taboo label. Most of them without genuine love for the other. All paid actors and actresses that memorized lines, for a few moments of pleasure. For a couple hundred dollars. All of it for selfish reasons.

It is no wonder that neglected children tend to seek these types of behaviors in their partners. It is suddenly okay to engage in acts with more than one person. Sex without love is violence.

It is not to be compared to a man driven to achieve his purpose in life, romancing a woman he’s dating where his primary goal is to help HER grow.

It is not to be compared to a woman being driven to show this man her desire to help him grow. Both engaging in intimacy with mutual respect and admiration.

A guy that prefers not to beat off to porn and meet a girl online is a man who has yet to conquer his comfort zone.

A woman that prefers to hookup with hopes of maybe getting a second date is one who is desperate and lonely.

Both are doing it for selfish reasons. Without even keeping in mind the other person.

Because this has become the norm, young women are heading off to do exactly this in the real world. Most older women do it and if she wants to stay competitive she has to give in on the first date.

Men who have just enough qualities to have a chance at intimacy, yet don’t have the right fundamentals to keep a fulfilling relationship tend to repeat the same cycle of toxicity as their parents.

Women choose who they go out with. If most men are not at that stage of maturity to create a healthy family, this further creates another generation of kids who will learn the language of love from their parents.

That’s not the end of it. Think if a child is born out of a casual hookup and one parent is not willing to raise him/her?

That’s exactly how daddy and mommy issues are born.

Boys without a father cannot learn how to be a man from a woman.

Girls without a father cannot understand what a strong and disciplined man is. Their idea of a partner is skewed and messed up.

Boys will grow weak. Girls will grow desperate.

The same can be said if a mother is also absent in the equation.

The boy doesn’t understand what to look for in a woman.

The girl doesn’t fully learn how to be feminine if she’s learning from her father.

This is even more detrimental if both parents absolutely abandon their child. An orphaned child has much more to contend with, not limited to a bad sense of identity and low self esteem.

This does not just affect the two people who hooked up. This doesn’t just affect the children being raised in unstable situations, EVEN if the parents stick together. Because let’s face it: if they engage in sexual acts selfishly in the beginning, have a child and stick to the relationship for the child, instability is what will follow suit.

This affects you and me. You may be involved in a relationship like this. Maybe you will be involved in a relationship like this.

Maybe this is exactly what turns you off from dating in the real world. Maybe this affects how you show up to dating in the real world.

Maybe this is your sibling. Your parent. Your child. Your neighbor. Your coworker. Mailman. Cop.

Chances are that this affects you somehow. If we fill our societies up with unhappy people, unhappy societies is what we will get.