We all 100% believe that every decision we take is from the point of view that it's the best we could do at the time. Sometimes that is true, sometimes it is far from the truth.
That's how a lot of people justify negative actions that are against growth and fun. Whether it's done maliciously or innocently.
Below I take a look at a fellow's contact request and go through his message. I point out where he could put his best foot forward as well as keeping his masculinity in check to keep the woman of his dreams.
I'll be point out my comments in Bold. His message will be italicized.
How are you Bob (Fake name)?
"I have been into several relationships which ended for one reason or the other. My longest relationship lasted for 8 years and ended in 2015 by the same girl. I won't say I never had my faults too but never expected it to end that way."
Often times when we don't know the fundamentals or the science behind understanding relationships we tend to make minor mistakes that add up. The problem is we don't realize this and the woman ends up walking away while giving us an unclear reason as to why they are leaving.
"Ever since then, I have been in and out of relationships and currently in some at the moment. The thing is, I usually get this butterflies at the initial stage, will always want to hear from her every now and then, go out of my way to please her, forget my own well being at some point just to prove a point and it goes on for a while then boom!!, the excitement starts dwindling, I tend to look elsewhere while still having her around."
Well hey, if monogamy is not your thing then there is nothing completely wrong so as long as it's all growth oriented and fun. However judging from what you're telling me here, you're striving for a committed relationship which is what you want. I can tell that you're maybe putting aside things you don't like in her and conforming/settling, which leads you to have buyer's regret down the road and look for other options. This can be an indication of a low self-esteem in the sense that you don't want to remove the safety net (Being her) but would like to keep accumulating more relationships. I suggest you find a way to accept yourself for all your faults and be happy with your identity, so when you don't get the deal you want you can merely walk away.
"I always tell myself to have them plenty in case one messes up, you hold on with the other but the truth is that, am never fulfilled cos I lack the discipline to stick to one and the fear of loosing out after putting in all my best in just one girl."
This is the same exact point I made above. I look at it like investing money. You're currently investing in this case money you desperately need. You can't afford to lose it so instead of investing in one risky investment, you invest over several many ones. Unfortunately when one actually wins, you don't win much and the other investments get lost. You've got to find a way to think from a surplus perspective, which is loving yourself first so that when you have excess, you can give it out to someone special. Like living with enough money to take care of your basic needs before actually diving head first into the stock market even though you can barely eat each day. I also highly recommend you create a top ten list of qualities you would like to see in a woman, as well as a top ten list of qualities you DON'T want to see in a woman. Use this to make better investment decisions when dating and starting a relationship.
"Secondly, how do I conquer this notion of not being happy, getting stuff for myself, eating good meal and having fun with friends except a girl is around to inspire me do those?"
I can tell that you're already focusing on trying to be happy with yourself which is a crucial first step. A man's purpose is the most important first step to being happy and is the fundamental of being happy. You've got to ask yourself if you're happy in your current career, maybe your friends are being bad influences. Something is not contributing in a positive way to your life, to a point almost sucking happiness out of you. Getting women is just another way that you're trying to grow and have fun in the world, but in reality women come naturally as a result of self happiness. I'd really list out the top ten things you love to do and boil it down to the top 5 things that you can make a career out of. We spend a majority of our lifetime working! Working could either take energy from you or add it in your life!
"Thirdly, how do I start a conversation with a new girl and get her interested in me that she won't rest unless she hears from me? There is this one I met currently online that I like and have intention of dating."
This is a very good mindset to have, it shows that you're willing to put your best foot forward and keep your woman successfully and healthily happy. One of the best ways to start a conversation is to come with a mindset of WANTING to know her. Where does she work, what is her name, what does she love doing, etc. Let your curiosity ask all healthy questions about her and if she's a healthy woman she will talk 90% of the time. Guess what? All you have to do is ask her questions and let her do most of the talking. Letting her talk will make her prove to you why SHE has to win you over. You will also be mysterious in her mind since she talked more than you did. It's a scientific fact that women are attracted to men whose feelings are unclear. Bottomline: Ask all the questions and keep her talking! As long as she's wondering about you, she won't be dumping you. All you have to do for your current date is set a definite time to "Hang out, Have Fun, and Hook Up." If she rejects you, ask her out next week. If she rejects you multiple times, she's not serious so it makes sense to walk away and let HER do the date appointments.
"We have been talking for a while now but have not met her though proposed doing that when she is back from work duties next week . I tend to get more emotional in our conversation but noticed she somehow acts insensitive to that and try to keep it formal each time I do that and it hurts me."
Dude, you should've made a date a long time ago. But hey you've now got a coach on your side and that sets you apart from 97% of guys out there. When she gets back you should set a definite date and PLAN it without letting her know. If she asks you about it, keep a mysterious plan up. Remember about what happens to mysterious guys.
"How do I turn the game around and get her all emotional over me and finally put her on a fix where she can't refuse being mine? Thanks."
A huge major point should be made that the phone is for setting up appointments only, this helps keep you mysterious until the actual date which will allow her to open up to you in person and reveal her cards physically, emotionally and spiritually. I can tell that you're getting emotionally hung up on this woman, which shows that you're revealing yourself to her of which she's no longer curious about. Women like to be in a love story, one where they have to continually work to get to know their man.
So with that said, you know what to work on and what to correct. If you have any questions let me know. Don't forget to follow me on Quora as well as subscribe to my newsletter.
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I hope you found this article of value. If YOU personally have a situation in which you could use a second opinion or a third perspective, Make sure to visit my personal website, under the Contact page, just fill out the blanks as neatly as you can and I will get back to you as soon as I can.
Stay healthy, Stay growing and keep having fun. I will see you all next time,
Rodrigo V.