Chapter Five - Get What You Want
You’re regularly engaged in activities, whether jobs or simply hobbies, that entice you. This constant build up of positive emotions gave you a more positive outlook in life. This positive outlook has pushed negative people away from you and you’ve began attracting other positive people into your life. Like attracts like after all.
But unfortunately sometimes even though things are going well, life may throw a curve ball at you. Sometimes you will need to use your positive attitude and your growth oriented outlook to get what you want in life.
A few of the things that sells people, motivates them to grant you what you want, are the idea of credibility and respect. You cannot convince someone who is on the defensive to do what you want or give you the terms that you want unless you’re seen as credible and respectable.
Think of yourself as a restaurant for a moment. You’re a credible business, meaning you provide excellent service and quality food at a fair price therefore others can attest to your reputation via review services like Yelp. This is the credibility factor, you can sway people to eat at your restaurant under your terms and prices a lot more seamlessly.
Aside from being a credible restaurant backed by your passion for your business and the testimony of others, there’s a certain level of mutual respect you command from your clientele. You show that you’re a fair business, by appropriately ejecting rude clientele who treat YOU in a way you don’t want to be treated.
That means that if you’re not given acceptable treatment or terms, you’re willing to walk away from a business deal with a positive attitude. Even if it means forgetting about the person for the remainder of your time in business, keeping yourself growth and fun oriented.
Once you have credibility and respect, as well as a desire to keep achieving more in life, you’re ready to sit down and have a mature discussion as to why the other person or party should give you a better treatment.
You see the opposite in politics when there is a debate between two opponents, regardless of the party. One side strongly believes in their ideology and the other is just as passionate about theirs, which breeds disgust towards the polar opposite of their ideas. The resulting debate doesn’t turn into an intelligent discussion about each side’s ideologies but into a dramatic session where the main ideology isn’t even questioned!
The results are not growth oriented, therefore defeating the whole purpose for a more peaceful resolution between two sides. Therefore resulting on the defenses on each side to heighten a lot more. The disgust and hate for the other grows without proportion and so does the ignorance on both sides.
People who don’t understand the concept of treating their opponent like a mature adult and UNDERSTANDING them, tend to resort to defending and attacking. That’s why it’s always better to attempt to understand the other party and act appropriately to their message/terms.
From this point forward, with your maturity, credibility, growth and fun oriented nature, you’re ready get the terms you want or find another person or group of people that WILL give you the terms you want.
When dating, you want to set your credibility by making it known that you’re not focused on bonding and labels, as you shouldn’t be. You should be mostly focused on your mission and purpose in life and you show it by setting your life up to a point where you allot appropriate time for each activity. Whether dating or pursuing your career.
With it entails a certain amount of respect, to know that you’re not someone who is TRYING to lock down people and cling onto them physically and emotionally. But to truly cement this respect is standing up for your values and wants by rejecting less than desired terms, showing that you hold yourself to higher standards. That you respect yourself.
After all terms are met, according to what you will be saying and showing, you’re more than willing to allow him/her to grow and have fun with you. I will be touching down on the exact dating process and what to look for in a non-needy/insecure relationship as well as avoiding heartbreak and failure in future chapters but the general negotiation gist applies as shown.
When looking for a job, you set your credibility by asking the questions during the hiring process. “What would you say makes your company unique?” “What is the company culture like?” Asking questions that show that you’re looking for quality shows that you yourself are a high quality person.
This also earns you a certain amount of respect and admiration, but it doesn’t mean you’re in the clear. You have to dress appropriately, sharp if you have to. You have to embody the passion for the job if the terms are to your liking. You have to show your passion is a valuable asset for the job, increasing reliability, happiness, and value for the company as a whole.
There is more to the science behind seeking jobs and finding the right company as well as actually getting/being a part of a trustworthy and healthy company. But much like dating, the general gist is the same.
In reality, negotiation applies to a lot of aspects of our lives. You’d really be surprised how many people just raise a white flag and let others do all the terms and conditions for them. They get married to people they aren’t emotionally compelled to be with, they get stuck in jobs that aren’t really healthy or emotionally compelling, and they have friendships that suck the literal life out of them.
Once you lead a life like that, it all goes downhill from there. It’s a sure path to an early grave as you need external substances or stimulants to balance out the happiness levels.
Remember, you don’t get what you deserve. You get what you negotiate for. If that sounds a lot like you, like it once rang very true for me, winning one battle at a time is always the best way to get out of it. The massive change is simply changing your outlook about it.
In this chapter, we’ve touched on the essentials/fundamentals of negotiating. These are like setting up the very foundation of a house.
We’ve looked at the science behind credibility and it’s importance, as well as commanding respect and showing that you’re fun and growth oriented. Once you are shown in a light that shines you as a positive being, you are going to be able to get a lot more face time and be heard more than if you were treated as a simple number.
We’ve looked at basic examples of where negotiation can be applied, but in reality the possibilities are endless. You can use it for dating, careers, business, or even trying to find the right mechanic for your damaged car.
As an added bonus, one can also use the human hack that marketing uses constantly: The idea of scarcity and abundance.
By showing yourself that you have an abundance of options you can make the other party feel like THEY should stand out from all the options.
So in essence, moving yourself from a scarcity mindset, where you don’t have options and YOU have to prove yourself to the other party you can actually sway negotiations to your favor a lot more easily.
Whether this be by stating it to the other party bluntly (Example: “I’ve been getting price quotes from other shops”) or by embodying it. By simply showing it in the way you appear to everyone and ever situation in life.
An attitude that says “I’m awesome and I know it, everyone wants a piece of me.”
An excellent example in dating is just that: Dating multiple people at once. It helps you choose the best, healthiest and most positive person of all. As opposed to only dating one person and really wondering if things really were better elsewhere.
Another excellent example in business would be to have multiple shops called and keeping an active list of different prices called for the same product. Using that product as a gauge for general prices and terms.
To finish off applying it in careers, it’d be the same to mailing or calling many different potential jobs and coming off as a person who does so.
As with everything in life, the point here is not to come off as arrogant or insecure. Applying a mentality of positivity, growth and self-respect to properly decline undesirable terms is the best thing to do, just in case the other party changes their mind.
Instead of ending a date abruptly (unless you need to), try to end it in a positive note. If the other party persists, either state your terms/compromise or simply decline again.
The same applies with a business price quote. If the price is way too expensive or the business doesn’t want to hand it out to you, simply say you’re going to reconsider your options (Which in essence you will do). Chances are, they may call back and change their mind. They may never call you again, and that is completely fine too. You have to be willing to walk away positively.
Guess what? The same exact mentality applies when looking for your dream job. If you get rejected, don’t take it personally. Be professional, positive and keep your options open. You may get a call back because perhaps you were simply tested or a spot opens up. You may also never get a call from them again, and that is also totally fine too.
As always, remain growth and fun oriented and you’ll always get what you want. If you appreciate the value of the Self-Help section, I encourage you to sign up to our E-mail Newsletter. I post weekly articles that help build or refine your social skills and relationship skills.
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