Chapter Two - You NEED Purpose
Before we dive into relationships or careers for that matter, we have to look at the place where the main reason for our actions originate from. We have to look at the place where the reason why we do anything comes from: The heart.
For simplicity's sake, I like to refer to this feeling as "Purpose" or a sense of purpose. It drives everything we do and can be very different according to each personality.
With purpose we are able to feel compelled to chase after things that others may see as an unnecessary grind. While some may be compelled to be a doctor, I would most definitely see it as something I'd stay away from as much as possible. While I do happen to love writing and expressing myself creatively, others may see their time be more useful working outside or building items as a form of creativity. Purpose is many times only understandable by YOU and your personality type and those around us may play tug of war using their purpose. As you can guess it can take a toll in your confidence and self-esteem but we will dive into this specific topic later in the series.
On the flip side of that token, a life without purpose is a very stagnant one. Someone without a purpose is directionless. Without purpose, there is no reason or motivation to keep doing what you’re doing. If you’re doing something you have no purpose doing, like a job that is no longer exciting or a relationship that has run it’s course: you will feel like it is a grind. It's suddenly harder to wake up and put your best foot forward. You feel captive as opposed to liberated.
Don’t get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with grind. The only thing wrong with grind is if there is no end goal. It is completely acceptable to grind for a small period of time, until you reach your goal. Whether that be studying over many years to get a degree in your chosen career or saving enough money until you’re able to open up your desired business. Grinding can be a way to tell life that you’re serious about your goals. As long as your goals move you, they completely drive you and make you feel fulfilled, your grind is your way of showing you're serious.
But if you’re really just grinding week after week for a paycheck in a company that doesn’t match your goals and values without any sense of purpose besides “Survival”, you’ll feel like your life has no reason to be. Your only reason to be is to survive and that is does not sound at all fun. We as humans are growth and fun oriented, when we no longer have opportunity to grow we tend to be stuck which in turn keeps us from having fun.
If you don’t have a sense to live, you begin to look for outlets. For some, substance abuse may be the way to nullify the feeling of lack of purpose. For others, they pursue relationships hoping this bond gives each other a sense of purpose. For most, they hope something will change everyday. Some give up along the way, eating away their stress and living a mediocre life. Just by being here and taking a moment to consider refining your life, you're already a lot more mature and definitely more closer to finding the success you want. Your greatest resource is your resourcefulness.
If you’re not compelled to go the extra mile in life, will you not be compelled to take care of yourself? If you are not happy with your own life how can you convince others to be happy to be around you? On the flipside if you're married to your hobby, your mission, your purpose in life you will radiate an attractive quality that will earn you the circumstances you want.
I’ve interviewed many people over time, the ones who really grab my attention are those that ask about my organization’s values. It shows they have a purpose and want it to be aligned to mines. However the vast majority do not ask questions that challenge my values, allowing for me to question if THEY have any values or desire to be in my team. You can clearly see who gets priority and who doesn't.
When dating, the ones who ask boring questions almost like a doctor’s check up tend to get blocked or rejected outright. Unless the lady has a strong attraction or the man has a body language that commands respect, she’ll walk after a few exchanges of words. Again, Purpose plays a huge role in increasing your own confidence and self-esteem.
Someone with purpose who is happy grinding away at their dream career, tends to be naturally happy. We spend 8 or 9 hours making money, working in the positions we were hired for, which already makes up a large chunk of our day. It just makes it so easy to think as a winner and give every possible opportunity a shot because why not?
Purpose allows you to feel accomplished, you get to do exactly what you were born to do. It makes you happy and naturally your happiness will influence those around you to copy your methods or hang out with you. We are all growth oriented and always looking for fun.
To figure out your purpose, you have to dig into your life. What were you growing up doing best? If you could do something for a long time and lose track of time, what would it be?
if you had to stop doing something and notice yourself hating to stop doing it, what is it?
Most importantly you have to listen to your wants and desires. This is your purpose in life. What you are called to is yours only, only you will understand and feel connected to it. Your parents won't connect with it, your relatives won't either, nor will your friends or your peers. They may support you (which they should naturally to help your grow and experience life) or they may shut you down (Which means they're scared of losing you or they feel inadequate and insufficient enough that they want to keep you at their level). One should ALWAYS surround ourselves with positive influences only.
Throughout my life I was offered a lot of resistance. People putting me down to spread THEIR purpose, people trying to keep me from leaving their side just because they weren't comfortable to head out and succeed. It was a hassle and as a result it made me accept mediocrity, it made me lose my natural confidence and self-esteem.
After much suffering and depressive moments, I made it abundantly clear. You're either here to give and take positivism or you're not going to be around. I cut out family members, long time friends as well as acquaintances. I spent a long time alone, but I knew that I simply opened up new slots for potentially better people. After half a year doing my own thing, I surrounded myself with people who showered me with appreciation and affection, people who deserved me doing the same in reciprocation. Today my life is full of exciting new things as I'm invited to share in new experiences, so much so that when someone who isn't in my circles of life is amazed at how animated I am. Purpose really is the difference between happiness or depression.
Have doubts about whether or not your "Purpose" is your thing? I can completely understand this. If going all in isn’t exactly something you’re sure about, it helps to have an appetizer of what you want. Go down and take a look at the benefits of getting into that soccer league near you. Wanted to work in construction? Wanted to own a restaurant at one point? You like helping others and serving society? Go down and look at what the law enforcement life has to offer. The point is to live doing what you love, so you can love to live.
We’ve been conditioned to stop believing in ourselves. We’ve been conditioned to just grind away like some sort of bot, totally ignoring our individualistic capabilities and robbing us from success.
The key to happiness is in your purpose. Being rich in happiness (purpose) will attract all the material items you want, the people you want and the circumstances you want. This is one of the key core values that one must have in order to find success. If you figure out the "Why?" the "How?" is a lot more easier to manage.
